Returning to Normal Life

Passing a kidney stone ranks in the top 10 of pain caused by medical issues, along with things like cancer and childbirth, as well as other crap everyone should be thankful that they haven't had the pleasure of dealing with.

I passed 3 stones over the last 5 weeks, and it wasn't like the experience of the previous ones made the next ones any easier. They just made me aware that I probably wasn't going to die from this. Before I got the first one diagnosed in the ER, I thought I might have been dying, because that's how intense the pain was. There are some forms of pain the human body was not meant to be able to deal with.

As I was passing the 3rd stone, I referred to it as a "stone fragment" because that's what I thought it should have been. I had lithotripsy done 5 days before that in an effort to crush the stones into sand...and well, that didn't work out quite the way it should have. Doctors sometimes tell you the best case scenario, and if something worse (or more painful) happens, they're happy as long as it gets you past it.  In my case, the remaining stones were probably reduced in size, making it possible to pass them, but no less painful. I spent about 36 hours in agony on the 2nd day after lithotripsy and another 12-18 hours on the fifth day. The third stone was roughly the same size as the first one, so the use of the term "fragment" could not have been more wrong.

On Friday, I was elated to find out that I had no remaining stones left--that the ones I had formed were all successfully expelled in the week following my lithotripsy. I would like to be able to say that I feel like I'm 100%, but that's not actually true. I get tired really easily, and I'm hoping that will improve quickly. A little bit of me has been smacked in the face with the cold, hard reality of my own mortality. One does not go through three stones being passed without taking a moment to pause and reflect about the human body's capacity to suddenly betray you.

So, I'm sitting here in my mid 40's, grateful to be alive, but also conscious of the fact that being alive is a gift that should not be squandered. And I'm sleeping and resting a lot right now, and that's ok.

See you back out there, sometime soon.

"I'm no superman..."

"Well I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know 
I'm no superman
I'm no superman"  

--"Superman," Lazlo Bane, theme song to Scrubs

Occasionally, life throws a curveball at you, and you have no choice but to adapt to it. 13 days before I was to leave on a trip for work to the east coast, I dealt with my kidney stone, and returned to work to find out that my trip had been canceled. My reaction was relief--these work trips leave everyone involved in them exhausted, to the point of sometimes being unable to recall complex words after they are over. You know--like when you're putting on your shoes, and you're sitting there going...I need to put on these other things before them.  What are those called...you know, made out of fabric? "Socks." I need to put on "socks."

I thought I'd be able to balance the follow up appointments--the scheduling of my pre-op appointment, the scheduling of my surgery, and get all the way through this phase of the new normal for me. It would result in blasting the crap out of the large kidney stone sitting in my right kidney so that there wouldn't be a chance it would get stuck between my kidney and my bladder if it were to start moving.

I thought I'd be able to do that while ramping back into a healthy amount of training. I thought I'd be able to return to eating well.

And then, three days later, we were told to reschedule our travel, and the trip was back on. I initially did not, and decided I needed to prioritize the lithotripsy for my kidney stone over this work. The doctor thought there was very little chance that the existing stones would start moving in the few weeks since my last one, so while traveling with the impending doom of pain that would literally bring me to my knees was a concern, it was unlikely to actually occur. The problem was that I didn't know when I would be able to schedule this surgical procedure.

That Monday, I got it scheduled for the 17th of August, and the pre-op appointment was clear of the trip. I was free to travel with all my coworkers.

By the way, "Scrubs" was an awesome show

I was not free to do what I typically do on these trips--which is to get a workout or two in before I go in to work, further stress my body out by dealing with extensively long hours, and throw caution to the wind in the amount of time that I should be sleeping. My marching orders are clear--keep the kidney happy. Things that would raise my blood pressure were to be avoided.  Working too many hours was not allowed. What I did probably pushed the line, by working every day that I was in DC (yes, including the weekend--this is normal for everyone that I travel with). I chugged a 1.5 liter bottle of water every day at work, in addition to the usual fluid intake that I have, and made many, many trips to the bathroom.

I'm learning to say no, out of necessity. Within the first couple of days I was in D.C., an urgent request came through that I agreed to take care of my first day back, but I refused to reschedule my pre-op appointment around it. On Thursday, someone else will present that material for me. So, I'm completely brain-dead from the work I just got through, and I'm going to go in to work tomorrow and crank some shit out....do not get me started on why no one else is able to do this for me. But I'll leave, and I'm going to take the next two days off.   I need to put my life back together.

I'm going to take those two days and relax...and get the fairly manageable looking workouts done that I have on my plan, and not get stressed out about any of it.

Sometimes, life throws a curveball at you, and your health should always take priority.